Adoption Post Placement: What to Expect

After spending months or years waiting to adopt, it’s important to know what to expect from the adoption post-placement process.

There’s so much that goes into getting home study approved, making an adoption profile, putting together a nursery, gathering essential baby supplies, and waiting to match with birth parents. Many potential adoptive parents are so focused on getting that match that they don’t think much about what comes afterward. Knowing what to expect during the adoption post-placement process will help you plan for these next steps.

Spending time with the baby at the hospital

There are a lot of factors that go into whether or not you’ll be able to spend time with your baby at the hospital and what that time will look like. Factors include the timeline for matching, the length of the hospital stay, the rules at the hospital, and the wishes of the birth parent(s). I strongly encourage you to go into the hospital visits with a very open mind and put aside your own desires and preferences. The time that the baby is in the hospital is the last time that the birth parents will have with him/her. Any time that you have there is a privilege. You have your whole life with your child ahead of you.

Termination of parental rights (TPR)

Birth parents must wait a minimum of 24 hours following the birth of the baby to terminate their rights. In most states, the birth parents will terminate their rights in the hospital or at an adoption agency or attorney’s office within 48 or 72 hours of the birth.

There are a handful of states, including Wisconsin, that require a minimum of 30 days before TPR can be completed. In Wisconsin, the hearing takes place in a courtroom.

Waiting to get cleared to return to your home state

For out-of-state adoptions, you must receive clearance to leave the state where your baby is born and return to your home state. This process is known as the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC). ICPC won’t take place until the baby is released from the hospital. For decades, families could end up waiting anywhere from one to eight weeks to receive clearance to return home. In the last few years, the timeline has been sped up exponentially. Most families receive clearance within 48 hours.

It’s imperative that you wait to receive clearance before leaving the state where your baby was born. Violating ICPC could compromise the adoption. If one parent must return home early, arrange for another family member or friend to join you.

Monthly visits with your social worker

You must meet with your social worker once per month until you’ve finalized the adoption. Typically, these visits take place in your house and will last about half an hour. The social worker will run through a set of questions about the baby and how you’re doing. Your social worker is there to help and is always happy to answer questions and provide support and resources as needed. Don’t be afraid to get the help you need. You won’t compromise your adoption finalization because you need support.

Scheduling and preparing for adoption finalization

Depending on the state you live in and the circumstances of your adoption, generally, finalization takes place three to six months after placement. Your social worker will apply for finalization and let you know when a date has been set. Generally, you’ll simply be assigned a date and time. During the past four years, the majority of adoption finalizations have moved to video format, especially for out-of-state adoptions. If you have an in-state adoption, it may still take place in person. Your social worker will give you all of the information that you need for the finalization well in advance.

I’m not big on celebrating adoption finalization days in years to come. But it’s nice to celebrate the day itself. If the adoption is in person, I recommend hiring a photographer. For both in-person and video finalizations, invite family and friends to attend. Plan a small celebratory event afterward.

Once the adoption has been finalized, applying for the birth certificate

Until the adoption has been finalized, you won’t have a birth certificate for the baby. After the adoption is finalized, your social worker or adoption attorney will give you the birth certificate application. Make sure that everything is completed correctly and that you return it to the appropriate party in a timely fashion.

It may take up to a couple of months for the birth certificate to arrive. Your social worker or adoption attorney will let you know when they’ve received the certificate so that you can pick it up or watch for it in the mail. A mailed birth certificate will require a signature for delivery.

Once the birth certificate has arrived, applying for a social security number

When you have the birth certificate, you’ll be able to apply for a social security number. Visit your Social Security office website to find out what documents you need. You may be able to download and fill out the paperwork in advance. Some offices also let you book an appointment to minimize wait times.

You’ll receive the social security card in the mail. It may take a few weeks to arrive.

Be intentional about bonding with your baby

I know that it sounds ridiculous that you need to be intentional about bonding with your baby. After spending months or years waiting for a child, bonding seems like the most natural process. It may come very naturally, which is great. It may not come naturally, which is also perfectly normal. Either way, be intentional about bonding. During the first few months, take time every day to slow down and just sit together. Have skin-to-skin time at home and engage in lots of eye contact.

Be protective of your time with your newly formed family of three

When you have your first baby, biological or adopted, you tend to get hounded by family and friends, especially if there aren’t a lot of other little ones around. Your primary focus as new parents is to care for and bond with your baby. It’s not to host lots of visitors.

When people ask to visit, it’s always okay to say no or not yet. It’s also okay to set clear time limits and to make specific requests for help. Ask people to bring food and to help out with anything from picking up your grocery order to walking your dog.

Be aware of adoption grief, and don’t be afraid to reach out for help as needed

Adoption is an emotional rollercoaster for everyone involved. As adoptive parents, you may feel a lot of guilt as well as grief for the birth parents. The burden of managing these emotions on top of caring for a newborn baby can be crushing. Don’t be afraid to relay these feelings to your social worker and to get help as needed.

American Adoptions has a great resource about adoption grief, including why adoptive parents experience it and how they can cope with it.